ABOUT TEENAGE FATIGUE!

I have noticed an increase in the number of requests from parents of 12-year-old teenagers with depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts.
I wonder why exactly 12 years? What is going on with them at 12 years old? Why now?

- 12 years old is 6-7 grade, a year or two ago there was a transition from elementary school to middle school, and the workload increased accordingly.
I know that already from the beginning of secondary school many children are burdened and frightened by the approaching OGE in the 9th grade, which can affect the Unified State Exam in the 11th grade, which can affect admission to university, and this in turn can affect the standard and quality of life. This is how they usually explain to children, trying to play on children's anxiety for their successful future. Anxiety does indeed arise in them, but not for their successful future, but for their “goodness”, “approval” and “need” in the present.

- 12 years is the beginning of puberty, the rise to the top of the "F*ck" of adolescence. Hormonal changes (it is difficult not only to control your emotions, but at least to separate the whole storm into its components), increased emotional and, possibly, sensory sensitivity (read overload), fatigue as a consequence.

Having already combined the first two points, we can assume that a child, in a positive scenario, at 12 years old gets tired of the piled-up life tasks. Not only does your body produce new incomprehensible pretzels and you have to somehow cope with this every day, but also in studies, which in many families is presented as the only important activity of the child, it flies. Not easy.
By the way, I think that studying is important, but its priority changes depending on the age, condition, and capabilities of the child. But more about that next time.

And if we add here the most popular intra-family difficulties:
- conflicts between parents and the inability to cope with them. Unfortunately or fortunately, the inability to conflict (enter into conflict, be there and exit from it) directly affects the family atmosphere, and therefore the child. The child feels the tension between the parents and naturally wants it to be gone. Then he either solves the problem for the adults, influences the situation by drawing attention to himself (including through self-harm), or distances himself from the parents, from the problem, from his feelings, so that they do not cause discomfort.

- parents' failure to accept the fact that the child is growing up and becoming less and less dependent on them step by step. And, as a consequence, the number of rules, prohibitions, and restrictions increases. Adults, out of their anxiety, begin to look for working "levers of influence" and "tools", and life has not yet come up with anything better than trusting relationships and respect.

- difficult relationships between brothers/sisters

- inability to withstand each other's anger, prohibition for the child to express it (it is forbidden to raise the voice at adults, it is forbidden to contradict adults, it is forbidden to show dissatisfaction or resentment towards adults, it is forbidden to say rude, even non-obscene, words in the presence of adults, such as "nafig", "pofi", "fuck it", etc.). The child will most likely direct suppressed and forbidden feelings at himself. And then all the anger and resentment that should fly towards the parents (or at someone else) can fall on his own body as cuts, burns, bruises. By the way, self-harm is not only cuts and bruises. But more on that next time.

- one of the parents suffers from depression

and many, many other intra-family difficulties.

But we must not forget that 12 years is a period when social relations and one's position among peers become very important. Well, and friendship in general, to put it simply. It's great when at 10, and at 12, and at 18 (and at 35 and at 68!) there are cool and reliable friends with whom you can walk on the street and chat on Telegram. But if there are difficulties with them or the parents don't like those who are there (possibly quite justifiably) - that's another reason for fatigue, anxiety, unlived anger or resentment.
When “parents don’t understand,” and then there’s tension with friends – can you imagine the level of loneliness in a child? I guess you can. And I can. We’ve all been there, in this feeling. Whether as a teenager, a child, or an adult. We’re all familiar with this feeling and it’s hard to live through at any age.

Plus, the change of season is coming, and autumn and spring, as we know, are always distinguished by their instability and affect many people in the same way.

In short, dear parents of teenagers! They really can have many good reasons to be tired, not want to get up in the morning, not do their homework.
Damn, being a healthy, strong adult, you have to spend a lot of energy to get yourself ready to do tasks you don’t like.
How do you, adults, by the way, usually motivate yourselves? With punishments, fines and self-insults? Or gifts and persuasion? How do you support yourself when things are difficult? What helps better? The answers to these questions can help you understand what other ways there are to support your teenager when he feels bad and has a hard time.

Well, and the last important point: if you notice depressive symptoms in your child, traces of self-harm, or maybe the child even shared that he has a desire to die and thought about ways (it is of great value if he himself wanted to share this with you!) - please seek help from two people - a psychiatrist and a psychologist.
A psychiatrist will confirm or deny depression, and select medication support if necessary. It is better to be safe than sorry. The consequences of not wanting to admit that a child is really ill can be very sad. Statistics on suicide among teenagers are high, unfortunately.
And the psychologist will accompany the child and his parents on the path to understanding how this situation arose, why it is needed and how to get out of it.