PARENTAL GUILT

I remember when my son was 2-3 years old, I was head over heels in this feeling.
I remember how this feeling makes me do some inadequate actions, say unpleasant things. Actually, guilt still visits me from time to time.

This unpleasant feeling is familiar to every parent. Many people talk and write about it. And this is natural.

Definitely, an overwhelming, neurotic sense of guilt does not bring a child and a parent closer together, but only deepens the gap in the relationship. And in marital relationships too.
The feeling of “I’m a bad parent” makes you want to run away, shift it onto someone else, start blaming your husband/wife, the child himself. And now you’re not the only one mired in this feeling, but the whole family!

But there are different types of wine.
A real, adequate feeling of guilt is normal. When you did, said something unpleasant to your child and understood it.
Or when a decision is made that is not in the child's favor (go to sleep instead of playing together/take the child from his favorite school, etc.). Parental guilt immediately awakens, but this is a natural accompaniment to the choice.
And here, by the way, there is a lot of positive in this feeling.
An adequate feeling of guilt indicates that a person strives for awareness and analyzes his actions.
A real sense of guilt opens the possibility of rapprochement. Asking for forgiveness, trying to correct the guilt.
It is easier to accept real guilt yourself, to agree with the idea that there are no ideal parents. To make mistakes is common to everyone and this is normal.

When we are immersed in neurotic guilt, we cannot accept it. In this feeling, it is already difficult to be conscious and analyze our true needs.
The parent may begin to shift their feelings of guilt onto the child, blaming him for everything.
Or a parent can allow the child to do everything so that under no circumstances does his child get upset.
A parent who blames himself for mistakes conveys to his child that making mistakes is bad. Then the child begins to avoid mistakes and blame himself for them.

Surely, right now, someone is feeling that same feeling of guilt.
I suggest a mindfulness training.
Ask yourself where this feeling of guilt comes from?
What does it look like?