WHAT ARE FEARS, WHAT ARE THE REASONS FOR THEM, WHY ARE THEY NEEDED.

The most basic idea that you need to accept is that fear is a natural human emotion, a necessary indicator that informs us about certain internal processes. The phrase "fight fear" is unproductive. Fighting fear is pointless, we need it. However, you need to understand that there is constructive fear - a natural defense mechanism that helps to adapt to new stress factors, saving from life-threatening circumstances, and there is pathological fear - the opposite of constructive, it is often called imaginary. It is this kind of fear that interferes with life, blocks activity.
Also, it is necessary to understand the difference between anxiety and fear. Fear is a deeper, paralyzing feeling than anxiety. Anxiety can be of varying intensity, but it is still possible to live and act with it.
Often, people just want to “remove” an unpleasant emotion, as something unnecessary, preventing them from living a full life. But we must understand that fear is not the cause of troubles, but a symptom that tells us that something is wrong somewhere. Therefore, it is impossible to “remove” fear, it is possible to understand why it arises and how to cope with it. It makes sense to catch your fear “by the tail”, tracking the moment of its appearance and your feelings at the same time, your thoughts.

I like Petrova E.'s idea that fear is rather a deficit of some resource, a deficit of regulation skills. That is, the task is not to get rid of fear, not to stop experiencing it, but to understand how to replenish the deficits.

What resource do you personally lack in order to have enough mental strength to live with and cope with fear?

Surely you know many examples of how people masterfully suppress the manifestation of conditionally negative emotions (anger, aggression, envy). And here the problems begin, since there must be a reaction to the event, and it will be in any case. But our fear of conditionally negative emotions leads to new blockages and new different fears. As a result, we are in a vicious circle: event - reaction - blockage - fear.

Unfortunately, we have a whole culture that says that an intelligent, well-mannered person does not show emotions “in public” – does not laugh, does not shout, does not cry. Restraint is the standard.

HOW TO RAISE AN ANXIOUS CHILD WITH NEUROSES?

Some bad advice:
Children should always be frightened into obedience by uncles, the police, the wolf, Baba Yaga, Babai, etc. An imaginary and fictitious danger is what is needed. Let the child grow up not realizing his responsibility for his actions or avoiding it. Everything he will do in the future will be out of fear, not from the awareness of responsibility for himself. From the fear of becoming someone or not becoming someone; not getting something or, on the contrary, getting "in the neck".
Children should always be shamed for fear. So what if, thanks to shame, the child will withdraw into himself and remain alone with his fear. So what, neurotic fears, psychosomatic manifestations.
Fear is for weaklings. To be afraid is to be a coward. All children's fears are empty and ridiculous. They should be ridiculed.
Children should be left alone in unfamiliar surroundings or situations where something unexpected might happen. For example, if you brought your child to a friend's party and it's their first time at such an event, leave them there. Better yet, say, "I'll be right back, wait for me here," and run away before they notice you.
I hope everyone understood that I was joking. You never know...
Here are some simple but effective techniques that will help a parent cope with a child’s fear:
Draw fear and then burn it, tear it to shreds or cut it with scissors.
Come up with a short story with your child, where the main character overcomes the same fear as the child in a simple way. It is good to use a favorite character or a favorite toy here. You can come up with a story simply in words, or you can act it out with toys.
Talk to your child, give him the opportunity to tell you everything he wants. And if he doesn’t want to, don’t “pull confessions out of him with pliers.” Look for a suitable opportunity.
Share some of your stories with your child. Tell them that you were also very scared, but this or that helped a lot.

Childhood age fears

Fear can be natural (age-related) and pathological.
Age-related fear is usually short-lived, disappears with age, and does not significantly affect the child’s character, behavior, or relationships with people around him.

So, the fears that are normal at every stage of growing up:

from 1 year to 3 years – fear of unexpected sounds, fear of loneliness, fear of pain, injections. May be afraid of animals.
from 3 to 5 years - a triad of fears: loneliness, darkness and confined spaces. Also fear of Baba Yaga, Barmaley, Karabas-Barabas and Koschei, Babayka, etc.
from 4 years old – fear of death may join in.
at 5-7 years old, they are often afraid of terrible dreams that reproduce present, past (Baba Yaga) and future fears, and death in a dream.
at 6-7 years old, the fear of death reaches its apogee. It is at this age that the child develops a sense of time and space, the concept of life appears, he understands that life is not endless, that people are born and die, and this also concerns his family.
The concept of mortality, finitude is a reality that a child will have to accept sooner or later as something inevitable in his life. The emergence of fear of death means the emergence of a gradual end to the "naive" period in the life of children, when they believed in the existence of fairy-tale characters, immortality.
7-8 year old children have a fear of disapproval from their parents, of not meeting their wishes and expectations; fear of not meeting the social requirements of their immediate environment, be it school, peers or family. In addition to "school" fears - making a mistake, conflicts with peers, fear of physical aggression on their part, children of this age are typically afraid of the elements - natural disasters: storms, hurricanes, floods, earthquakes.
About pathological fear.
What are the differences between pathological fear and natural fear:
great emotional intensity and tension
long-term (more than a month) or constant course
adverse effect on the formation of character and personality
avoidance of objects of fear, as well as everything new and unknown
relative difficulty of elimination
inability to cope with one's feelings, to control them

Can natural fears become pathological? They can. If you ignore them or make them worse, trying to fight the fear, suggesting to the child that his fear is funny and absurd.

For example, teenagers often encounter ridicule or belittlement of their fears and experiences from those close to them.
Meanwhile, the age from 11 to 16 years is a crucial period in the formation of a worldview, a system of relationships, interests, social orientation, personal perception, and self-identity. A teenager, on the one hand, strives to preserve his individuality, to be himself, and on the other hand, to be with everyone, to belong to a group, to correspond to its values ​​and norms.
Accordingly, the fears of teenagers are mostly social: fear of not being oneself, fear of change (puberty, weight gain or loss, excessively rapid growth and painful transient sensations in various parts of the body, etc.), fear of being unrecognized (becoming an outcast), fear of public speaking, fear of getting a bad grade or failing an exam.
It is very important not to “ignore” the child’s fear with the words “He’ll outgrow it,” but to help him cope with it, live through it, and learn to control it. It is important not to hypertrophy the fear, not to exaggerate it.